Crash and Autistic Burnout

I always struggle with how to talk about my autism. It’s funny, I know. I talk about it all the damn time, according to some people.

But it’s important to me and I want people to understand just how detrimental it is when people go undiagnosed.

Bare with me, I have pneumonia and I’m on a lot ogf meds, so I’m little out of it and might make somet= typos. But I choes to write this while sikc for a reason:

I always type lijke this, just most dayts I go back and fix my typos so people dont notice. Eben now I still go back and fi some of them out of habit, but I have to make myself not to to probe moy poimt.

And that’s ecxa ctyl how I am in my everyday functions. I cover up my slip-ups so no one notices I did some thing not “normal” again anf I go and /I go and O go and then I burn out and people think I[‘m over reacting.

I burn outand no one understands why. I don’t bother to cover my slip-ups and no one understands why/

I be my autistic self and no one ever understands why, they just want it to stop.

I’m not ober reactign.

When I tell you I can’t read something at the moment because it’s too long, it’s becausre I dont have the energy right then. I’ll get to it later. I sometimes book mark videos to watch later because I wanna watchi it but I lnow the audio will mess with my sensory processing disorder.

Sometimes I don’t eat because my brain tells my mouth that anything that goes in it is going to poison me and I automatically spit it back out. I sometimes freeze and make distressed noises when thingfs spill on me.

I have limitations but I gfet judgrd for ehat they are.

I get treated like a child a lot because sometimes I “act” like one – I’m hyper and talkative and do things that adults don’t normally do becquuase I got sick of hiding my autistic traits ans decided to just stim anf be happy and conmfortable for onc3. And then whoecer is with me permanently brands me as childlike and forgets I’m a grown adult.

I get flack fpr not speaking up more when thinfs are bothering me, but I spent years beinf ignored whn I said I had autism. Why would I feel comfortable speaking up when my autism is causing me to habr problems? I  need to work my way there.

But the moment that sticks out in my mind most waa one night my mom was washing dishes and my sensory processing disorder was making things difficult for me and evry single noise in the house sounded like nails on a chalk board to me. I tried to communicate that to her, but I’m still struggling with communication and the severity got lost somewhere inbetween and while she stopped some things, the rest of the noises kept going. I ended up hunched over, covering my ears as hard as I could, rocking in my seat and making distressed hums.

The next day my mom and I talked about it more and her biggest concern was that when she went to bed that night, she remembered all the times I had said things were too loud growing up before I got my diagnosis and she had dismissed me because she didn’t understand how it could be loud. She was devastated that I had gone so long dealing with it without a diagnosis to back up my words and that she hadn’t understood the severiry until tjhen.

Many people, especially those designated female at birth, go undiagnosed and they have to deal with the consequecnes everyday.

Listen when they voice their concerns and limitations, or one day they’ll end up hiding them in shame and they will crash and burn.

Also, I’m not a god damn child.

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