Aphobia Is Real

Isolation is a habit for me. I hate it, but I still do it.

A lot of it stems from fear.

When I first came out as asexual, it didn’t go well. When I came out as genderfluid, I didn’t have it as bad as it could have been, but I still don’t like talking about it.

I’ve experienced emotional abuse and gaslighting.

I’ve had incompetent doctors and misdiagnoses. I’ve had doctors tell me I can’t be autistic because I have friends.

But lately my fear comes from the queer community itself:

There’s hordes of people trying to exclude asexual and aromantic people from the queer community. They’re denying the queerphobia that we’ve experienced because we don’t fit their standards.

They’re regurgitating the same shitty arguments that TERFs used first on trans women and then on bisexual individuals.

My experiences are being belittled because apparently being ace isn’t gay enough.

But here’s the thing: if you’re cisgender heteroromantic asexual, you’re queer. If you’re cisgender heterosexual aromantic, you’re queer. If you’re cisgender aromantic asexual, you’re queer.

Obviously, you don’t have to reclaim that label if you don’t personally want to, but no one can take it from you.

I’m not queer because I’m trans. I’ve been queer long before I realized I was trans.

I used to be out as a cisgender heteroromantic asexual girl. I was still queer.

Realising I was trans didn’t make me queer – it just added to my experience.

If you’re going to call me queer, you have to be willing to call any ace or aro person queer, regardless of the rest of their identity.

I haven’t been able to find a safe space in the queer community, and at this point, I don’t think I want to. I’ve only experienced toxicity and hatred.

If you want to try to befriend me and talk about this stuff, go for it. Just know that I’ve been scared away from every queer safe space I’ve tried to join.